Thursday, 27 November 2008

Tired, and ashamed.

Enough. We have had enough.

I have watched the news like a madman for the last 35 hours or so, minus the hours that I slept. And, I am pissed, and sad. Not just sad, worried. And worried badly. And it has got me thinking...

I want my kids to grow up in a safe environment, with Indian values, in Indian culture. But is this even possible? I got thinking about this as soon as I watched the news, and here, I am trying to pour out my thoughts over the last 30 hours or so...

1) India has spent a lot on my life. A lot, a damn lot. First of all, my education was subsidised. Secondly, my transportation was. And a lot of other things, the rice that I ate, the shoes that I wore, and what not. And how am I going to give back all the effort which has gone into these perks that I got?

2) How many of us actually know when the last terror attacks were on this country? How many people died there? How many of us really feel bad about this? I mean, really feel bad, not platonically, but really?

3) Who elected these idiots into the parliament? What business did the opposition leader and the home minister have in Mumbai? Weren't the security forces pressed hard enough? What rubbish is this? What was Mr Patil thinking when he announced to the whole world about the NSG's modus operandi?

All in all, I think that it is about time that we stopped warming our rear ends here, and got back. Our country has spent a lot on us. There is something in our passports that we think is important. It ascertains that we are Indian citizens. Our country needs strong surveillance and reconnaissance operations now. It needs people who can contribute with their technical know how. It needs people to run the administrative sector. I urge people to write the UPSC, apply to government jobs and such.

Of course, not many will return unless the jobs are lucrative. So, please stop spending on ridiculous things and start funding jobs, so that we have a secure nation for our descendants. I am sick and tired of the sops which we are dishing out towards religious objectives. Please, stop funding things like the Haj. The rich can go. The poor can pray at home. If your God ignores the poor, then he is no God. Please listen to your reason. Please pour that money towards creating a safer, more educated India.

I am ashamed of the fact that I can think reasonably about these issues, and still feel helpless. I am irritated about the fact that my only choices for governments are between a votebank crazy one and a religiously fundamentalist one. If you, as an Indian, are not feeling bad about this, this is time for checking whether your conscience is alive or not. Until you give back to India, I don't see how you can be practicing Indian values, nor can I see how you can call yourself Indian. Bury all differences and get back.

This is how best I can collect my thoughts right now.


Thursday, 20 November 2008

Mommy Crazy - III (Mommy gets it, this time)

Mom: what did you have for dinner
me: upuma
with chutney
Mom: who made
me: I made
Mom: coconut is available there
me: no, I just imagined it
so, technically, this is ichutney

Wednesday, 12 November 2008

Government declares Autodriver slang neo-classical

Union culture minister Ambika Soni declared to a gathering of rabid mongrels and laughter club chairmans in New Delhi today that the language used by Autorickshaw drivers across the country would be honoured with neo-classical status on the forthcoming Valentine's Day. When questioned about the motive behind this unexpected move, Ms Soni said that it is high time that this rather expressive and popular language be recognised. She also said that the central government would allocate special funds for all civil servants to travel by autorickshaws across the length and breadth of the country, which in turn would proliferate autorickshaws, and hence their drivers, thereby enriching the language.

However, unnamed sources from the Congress Party revealed to our special correspondents that this was a move by the party to replicate the success of the "Joe the plumber" campaign run by the Republican Party during the recently concluded presidential elections in the USA. "Soni-ji will be our Palin-ji" said a rather enthusiastic Congress supporter. "Instead of Joe the plumber, we are going to use Ramesh Rahmatullah George Singh Purohit Yadav Pillai Shenoy the autodriver", he / she added. "See, using this approach, we neither miss any of the states where we do not control the state governments, nor do we miss any religion, making us the only truly secular party in the country", said he / she.

"Just to make sure that our campaign is a success, we are going to start a youth-autodriver wing, whose symbol will be, yes, an autodriver", said Capt Obvious and ran away as soon as Ms Sonia Gandhi came around.

Tuesday, 4 November 2008

Obama declared Zilla Parishat Chairman of Udupi district

In a rather bizarre and confusing development, Senator Barack Hussein Obama of the United States of America has been declared the chairman of the Udupi district Zilla Parishat, a source reports from Manipal Udupi. According to the authorities, there was some misconfiguration in the central server which managed the American elections, and hence all the votes were diverted to Udupi, where Obama has achieved a landslide victory against Mr Ramesh Shetty, the owner of 2 different Udupi hotels and one ice cream parlour in Downtown Udupi. A local, when questioned on this issue just said enthaddu saavu maaraayre, and went away.