2 states meets 300

Krish Malhotra was born in Patiala and brought up in Delhi. His father, Mr. Malhotra, formerly Major Malhotra is a retired Army officer, with whom Krish constantly quarrels. His mother is a racist and bigoted woman, with a narrow outlook towards life, but loving nevertheless.

Krish was in 11^th std when the IIT fever caught up with him. All his friends were preparing for the JEE. And jump on to the bandwagon, he did. He studied furiously for 2 years and landed a respectable rank in the examination. But, much to his chagrin, his parents overrode his intention of going to IIT Bombay and decreed that he go to IIT Delhi. Ergo, he enrolled to study Mechanical Engineering at IIT Delhi.

His four years in the IIT were a roller-coaster ride. When he began, he tried to be earnest and studious. However, thanks in no small amount to the people whom he befriended and his inherently gullible nature, he ended up with mediocre grades and barely ended up getting a job. In the process, he also lost his virginity; but, that is inconsequential.

2 years later, Krish decided that he wanted to get a MBA. He registered to write the CAT. He "cracked" the test and ended up with a stellar score. This, coupled with his excellent performance in the personal interview, landed him a seat in IIM Ahmedabad. There, he met Ananya Swaminathan. She hailed from Tiruvananthapuram, Kerala. Needless to say, she lost her virginity to him at the IIM. And then, at some point of time in this "masala" story, they decided to get married. They also graduated with plum jobs from the IIM.

That is when the real problems surfaced. Krish's mother, thanks to many years of practised bigotry and narrow mindedness regarded South Indians with scorn. Ananya's parents were no less cocky; they despised anybody who was not from their own caste. When Krish and Ananya told their respective parents of their marriage plans, their parents were in equal measure flabbergasted, flummoxed and disappointed (Mr Priyananda Shenoy has since generalised this to a linear combination of flabbergasted, flummoxed and disappointed). The outcome of this was that our protagonists met with strong opposition from both sides. However, instead of eloping, Krish and Ananya decided to get their parents to agree.

This proved more difficult than either of them initially imagined. It almost led to Krish and Ananya breaking up at one point, but Krish's father intervened and used his army major skills to fix everything quickly and efficiently. The wedding was scheduled to take place at the bride's hometown, Tiruvananthapuram.

On the eve of the wedding, Krish was so incredibly excited that he could not sleep. At around midnight, he got terribly hungry. So, he wandered out, looking for some place to eat. All he could find was a roadside place making Parottas . The vendor was making them in a cart, next to a huge drain. In spite of the obvious hygiene problems, Krish decided to take a chance. He went to the vendor and said "Bhaiya, do paranThe dEna" . The vendor, who had a six pack, immediately screamed THIS IS PAROOOOOOOOOOTTA and kicked him into the drain. Krish, being unable to swim, died.

India changes national flag.

In a shock announcement by the Congress led UPA government today, it was revealed that India is going to adopt a new national flag. Announcing this in a press gathering today, the home minister Sri P Chidambaram announced that the government will table a motion in the lower house to this end today. He also announced that a committee will be constituted jointly chaired by inspirationalists Sri Anu Malik and Sri Pritam.

Later in the day, speaking to mediapersons, Sri Anu Malik announced that the template for the new flag will be inspired by the flag of the USA. When asked for the rationale behind this move, he said that since we are anyway getting towards 50 states, and the nation's youth strongly identifies with everything that USA does, this would minimise effort while maximising return on investment. When a curious Priyananda Shenoy, who has been strongly agitating since the dawn of time for Mulki to be made into a union, intersection and symmetric difference territory, asked him what investment he was referring to, Anu Malik gave him his DEMAT details.

Chennai Autodrivers thwart terror attack

While the Mumbai was reeling under the recent terror attacks, an act of bravery by a Chennai Auto-driver has gone unnoticed. Our correspondent chanced upon this story and we have this saga for you in full detail.

Senthil Muthukrishnan is an auto driver from Saidapet, Chennai. His daily routine begins with a masala tea and a pack of beedi, after which he makes way to Chennai Central railway station, where his modus operandi is to catch visitors to Chennai promising them to ferry them to their destination and then promptly decide to swindle them either by taking them through a long circuitous route to their destination or by exhausting their supply of money and patience, whichever occurs first.

On the 1^st of December 2008, Senthil went to the Central as usual. There, he found Kasab II, an insurgent who had made way to Chennai in the hope of blowing it up, a la the recent Delhi bombings. KII's modus operandi was to proceed to the Chennai Corporation, which is situated very close to the railway station, plant a bomb there and detonate it remotely. However, he had to go to the harbour to obtain his weapons of mass destruction. And he had very little time because his aunt in Hyderabad had promised that she will make extremely tasty mutton curry if he arrives there the next morning. This turned out to be the turning point.

KII had a total supply of Rs 1000 to finish this operation. He got out of the railway station and made way to the auto stand. Whom should he find there but Senthil? He quickly got into the auto and murmured "Take me to the harbour". Senthil replied saying that it will cost him 400 rupees, noticing that KII was not dressed in lungi and banian, the official clothing of The Republic of Tamilnadu. KII, not knowing what he was getting into, agreed. Thereafter, Senthil promptly proceeded to take KII in circles.

After encircling the railway station area for the 321^st time, and with no harbour in sight, KII got a little impatient and asked when they would be reaching there. Senthil promptly entered the thick of the autorickshaws parked outside the railway station and said that he won't be getting out unless KII pays him Rs 700 above the meter. With just 20 minutes left for the train to leave for Hyderabad, KII had no option but to pay whatever he had, and run. Which is what he did.

And that is how we got saved.

PS: This is humour. Yes, this is insensitive. But, it is not irresponsible like this, or the media showing the commando operations like it was some reality tv show, or Barkha Dutt not letting the sensible people talk in We The People and preferring TRPs from the sob stories, or, well, I can go on and on.