Friday, 11 December 2009

India changes national flag.

In a shock announcement by the Congress led UPA government today, it was revealed that India is going to adopt a new national flag. Announcing this in a press gathering today, the home minister Sri P Chidambaram announced that the government will table a motion in the lower house to this end today. He also announced that a committee will be constituted jointly chaired by inspirationalists Sri Anu Malik and Sri Pritam.

Later in the day, speaking to mediapersons, Sri Anu Malik announced that the template for the new flag will be inspired by the flag of the USA. When asked for the rationale behind this move, he said that since we are anyway getting towards 50 states, and the nation's youth strongly identifies with everything that USA does, this would minimise effort while maximising return on investment. When a curious Priyananda Shenoy, who has been strongly agitating since the dawn of time for Mulki to be made into a union, intersection and symmetric difference territory, asked him what investment he was referring to, Anu Malik gave him his DEMAT details.

Friday, 16 October 2009

Wen Jiabao celebrates Karva Chauth

In keeping with the tradition of heads of random governments celebrating Indian festivals, Wen Jiabao, the Premier of the People's Republic of China today celebrated Karva Chauth in all grandeur. The official release also mentioned that Wen fasted through the day to see the moon at night; but since it was a new moon day, the moon never rose, and he died.

In response to this sudden development of heads of major countries across the world celebrating random Indian festivals, Dr Manmohan Singh announced in his NDTV interview today that the Indian government would sponsor the celebration of one new festival every year. "This year, we will celebrate labor day", he said. "But we already celebrate that, sODa nann magane", shouted an irate Priyananda Shenoy from the audience. "Also, it is labour", he added, demonstrating his long association with a grammar Nazi.

Friday, 9 October 2009

Norway renamed to Nigeria

Oslo, 9th Oct 2009: Mr. Jens Stoltenberg, the prime minister of Norway, announced to the media earlier today that President Barack Obama of the United States of America has won the Nobel Peace Prize for being the most promising person to deliver the promise of everlasting peace to this planet. In addition, he also mentioned that President Obama could redeem his prize by making a cheque of $10000 to the Nobel Peace Prize Committee, Nigeria.

In other news, President Mugabe of Zimbabwe is said to have applied for a permanent citizenship of the USA since his advisers have advised him (haha!) that the easiest way to win the Peace Prize these days is to be a Black American Citizen. In addition $10000 Zimbabwean is rather easy to transfer, since all you need to do is print a new note and send it across.

Thursday, 17 September 2009

Man arrested for accepting dowry.

In what has to be a case of gruesome sexist crime, Mr Priyananda Shenoy of Dasarahalli area was arrested by the Vijayanagar police today for ordering copious amounts of Sambar to be made for his wedding ceremony. The police claimed that at the present price of Toor dal, this amounted to dowry and hence Mr Shenoy had to be arrested. But, hilarity ensued when the police jeep was not big enough to accommodate Mr Shenoy, who at 6' 2'' is the tallest Konkani vegetarian to get married in all of history. The police had to temporarily borrow one of the mini vans that had ferried unrelated people to his wedding, since Mr Shenoy himself could not get enough people interested in the ceremony.

Tuesday, 8 September 2009


Haven't posted in a long time and did not want to forget the username and password for my blogger account. Hence, I am going to post a filler. A filler like no other, one which fills, adequately and requisitely, and conveniently gets off all those people whom I imagine to be on my back to write something new, although there is no one, who themselves are fillers in a different sense, of the sense which fill the void that is left by the people who do not exist, whom I imagine to be present and pressurising me to constantly pour out my innermost thoughts on this online journal.

Rubbish, my grandpa would say. aDa chee, my granny would say. vyaak thoo, some wayfarer would say. thoo ninna, tEnga kola, maNNangaTTi, bakwaas, someone would say. At all this nonsense that I have typed.

And now for something completely different. A bunch of photographs. From the last weekend. When I took my motorcycle and went riding on the coast. And had fun.

So here they are, the photos, the real fillers.

Saturday, 11 July 2009

Religious leaders protest the alteration of a kannada saying in India.

In a recent landmark decision, the Karnataka High Court decided to change the famous kannada saying "haasigeyiddashTu kaalu chaachu" (extend your leg as long as the bed) to its contrapositive "haasigeginta hecchaagi kaalannu chaachabEDa" (Do not extend your leg beyond the bed). This action was taken thanks to a PIL filed by noted loafer and chairman of the "Contrapositives're Unusually Nerdy and Trite " Priyananda Shenoy because he had run out of everything else to do. Mr Shenoy's contention was that the original saying was designed to be against midgets, short people and people with polio. Being the self righteous NRI that he has become, he promptly decided to get some good karma by filing this PIL in Konkani in the Karnataka High Court.

Reacting to this judgement, noted religious leaders [Baba Anybody], [Insert yet another jobless Muslim Cleric here, because each one of them is as jobless as any other anyway], [And any paedophile of an Archbishop here], [And some random Sikh and Jain and what not leaders just so that they do not go back to their respective gods and start crying endlessly] said that this was against Indian culture and it was unnatural to be short and our social fabric was built around not being so. By changing this age old practice of marginalising the minority, they alleged that the High Court was trying to break some sacred tenets and trying to corrupt the Indian society and the Indian culture. In particular, they also said that these people were diseased and could be treated by hanging them from tall trees so that gravity would eventually make them long enough to occupy the whole bed anyway.

Friday, 29 May 2009


TR Q and A:

1) += ?

2) + = ?

The Answers:



Monday, 4 May 2009

Wr gnst vwls

Fr th pst tn yrs r s t Untd Stts f Amrc hs bn wgng th Wr n Trrr n Afghnstn nd Wstrn Pkstn, wth lttl sccss gnst th l Qd. n spt f n-rds md by th Amrcn rmy gnst th Tlbn n 2001 nd th sbssqnt stng f th fndmntlst rgm frm Afghnstn, th Wr ws cntnd n rq, whch drw mch crtcsm frm bth th Amrcn Dmcrts nd frm ppl arnd th wrld, th afrmntnd wr ws fr frm vr.

n fct, mch t th chgrn f Amrc nd ts lls, th Tlbn rsrfcd n Nrth Wstrn Pkstn nd hv nw tkn cntrl f th Swt vlly nd hv tstd rmrkbl sccss n thr effrts t imps Shr lw n rs ndr thr cntrl, thnks t th wmpnss f th Pkstn gvrnmnt.

Cmpltly nrltd t ths bt smlr t hw Bsh wgd wr agnst rq, dcdd t wg wr agnst vwls. My hnds hrt frm nt typng th vwls n ths wrds. Ths hs csd t b fnny and hence I shall stop.

PS: Now you understand how retarded it is to use the SMS lingo, devised to save characters, everywhere, including email and chats. Please, write fully henceforth.

Deep thoughts

  • Beauty lies in the eyes of the BE-holder, the car of the MBA-holder and the hands of the money holder.
  • Beauty lies in the spam folder of your email client
  • The difference between pure and applied love is that applied love results in an increase in the population.
  • bagaarOn boolu barasaavO mEra magaboob aaya hain, mEra magaboob aaya hain.

Social Networking and Maths

Q: If a sine wave and cosine wave wanted to connect on a social networking website, where would they do so?
A: On Phase-book.

Q: If 2 vectors wanted to connect on a soc-net site, where would they head to?
A: Myspace.

Q: What is the negation of orkut?
A: And( )

Thursday, 19 March 2009

Mommy chronicles - Why my mum rocks...

Mom: you were planning to prepare pongal yesterday. Did you not do it
me: I did so
It came out excellently well
It is too easy to make it
Mom: obi
what did you have for lunch
me: I am definitely showing this to the whole world!
You have started obi-ing to me
Full heroine wonly you are

All right, so you may ask why that is interesting, or even worth a blog post. If you are, then please get lost, or at least get a cool mum.

Obi, Thassit, Awsmax, Studmax, that is what this is. A mom that learns slang from her son.

And if I have not already mentioned this, MY MUM ROCKS!

Monday, 9 February 2009

Andrew Symonds joins Sri Rama Sene

In a rather confusing but curious revelation at Vidhana Soudha today, chairman of the Sri Rama Sene, Mr Pramod Muthalik told the drivers of the MLAs that Australian cricketeer, Andrew Symonds, who is currently unemployed has joined Sri Rama Sene. Mr Muthalik said "Sri Rama Sene andre kOtigaLallvE? he he he" (doesn't Sri Rama Sena mean monkeys? he he he) when contacted by those media persons who had run out of things to publish.

In the meantime, sources revealed to us that Sri Rama Sene had recently distributed pamphlets that they would be screening of the film, "kOthigaLu saar kOthigaLu" (monkeys, sir, monkeys) in Pushpanjali tent, Basaveshwaranagar. However, when a grand total of 6 eager "fans" turned up to see the film, they found activists of SRS standing on the dias. When asked about this, Mr Muthalik said "alla. naavE irbEkaadre cinema yaake? he he he" (see, when we are only there, what for do we need the film? he he he).

Mr Muthalik also told the media later that Symonds would be rechristened Vali, so that he could "get into character". When the press conference was going on, the union external affairs minister, Mr Pranab Mukherjee casually walked in and announced that the central government has sent a dossier to Pakistan about their terror related activities and has demanded immediate action from them in this regard. When someone pointed out that his press conference was scheduled for 6 pm whereas it was only 5 pm, he sheepishly grinned, and apologised saying that he had only recently purchased a new CASIO digital watch and he had mistaken the 5 for 6.

When Mr Harbhajan Singh was contacted about this incident, he slapped the journalist and screamed, "**** *** **".