Mind of a married man

Much has been said about the way women are at the receiving end of the practice, the mangalasutra and the toe-ring in India, the ring in the West, so on and so forth. But there is one thing that a man has to endure, nay fight, during that one excruciating ordeal which goes by the name of the Reception Party, which, in my opinion, more than makes up for these trifles that women rights organisations keep haggling about day in and day out...

In order to make the case of men fair and clear, let me take you through what an average man has to endure during the RP. It all starts with the groom being made to wear ridiculous formal clothes, which he loathes, as opposed to the bride, who, as I have garnered from reliable sources rather relishes appearing like a bedecked perennially smiling mannequin. This is followed by a seemingly innocuous procession of relatives and friends. Our man, horny and on the verge of what he believes is his biggest achievement till date, is impatient. "Oh well", he says. "Few more hours", he repeats...

Then, without any prior notice, on come the Giggling Army. I don't know whether it is a prerequisite, but invariably, the army features at least one woman who is both better looking and better endowed than the poor man's wife. If you have ever wondered what that whatiz-name-who-was-stuck-in-water-with-a-tantalising-rope-he-could-never-reach had to endure, walk in when this our man faces this ordeal. He smiles because he has to, but not at the face of course. He extends his hand to be shaken, but miraculously he misses their hands. Ah! the pain. "Why?", he asks. The answer evades him. But flinch, he does not.

Take a bow! Oh average horny man! May I request you to observe a moment of respectful silence towards the stereotype that is the Average Horny Man.